The summary of my trip wouldn't be complete without the highlight event; meeting a friend, who
had disappeared into my past, that resurfaced unexpectedly and in a very
unexpected way… Several months ago one of my best friends from high school years had
sent me an e-mail message and let me know with a “you won’t believe who is back
in my life” attitude how this friend of ours that neither of us had seen for decades and my best friend’s brother were
in a romantic relationship for a year!
We didn't have computers when we were in college but our textbooks...
Our high school Bornova Anadolu Lisesi was in a wooded campus in the outskirts of Bornova at the time, now engulfed by suburbs of Izmir
It was such a joy to do yoga with my friend's instruction
We do have some more time after yoga to spend together at a lovely coffee shop SHE takes me. I do ask my burning question. If we added to HER burden during those years, I would like to ask for HER forgiveness. SHE tells me it had nothing to do with what we did or did not do. I hope SHE is telling the truth. I am so happy to see HER as cheerful, fit, healthy, beautiful, and warm as the young woman I remember, whose traces I thought I had lost in 1983. I feel more connected to HER now seeing that our paths had converged through mediation and yoga. I can see the light on HER face that I see in some of my friends in my sangha in Iowa City. As we part, we promise to get together at HER house next time I visit Turkey that SHE shares with the brother of my best friend in a village in the outskirts of Izmir. I can’t wait my friend, both to see you again and also to continue connecting with you at this state of our lives through yoga, meditation, nature, and earth as well as our memories… Peace and joy.
Never before I had left Turkey with tears streaming down my face...
As I leave Turkey through Ataturk airport the next day, tears stream down my cheeks for some reason... I look deeply inside my heart, they are not tears of sadness but of joy and cleansing tears... I don't know if anybody looks at me or not, but I allow them roll down my face and wash away some of the "unlivedness" in my life, who knows what the future holds for the rest. Keeping Pema Chodron's words in my mind "this very moment is the perfect teacher", I walk up to my gate and smile at the young stewardess...
I
had almost flown out of my seat with what unfolded before my eyes across the
screen. My friend told me that the three of us should get together during my
visit to Turkey. I couldn't wait for it as I had dove into memories of our friendship:
My friend and SHE (the friend that had disappeared) were childhood friends. My
friend and I were friends for over 12 years by the time SHE came into my life.
Throughout college years we studied together, and most of the time we did so at
HER little studio since SHE was the only one among us who was out of town and
had HER own “house”.
We had studied in a small studio in the old section of town during our college years
Then
we all fell in love, SHE was the first one of us who got married, and I followed suit! Once SHE got
married our study sessions got less and less often, eventually my friend and I were
studying on our own without HER. SHE
had a baby, we didn’t see her, since we didn’t see HER. We didn’t quite
understand what was happening, we just drifted apart... Once college years were over, I never saw HER, never heard
about HER. She unfortunately faded into my past. When I heard about HER return,
I couldn’t help but wondering whether my friend and I had handled the situation
compassionately. We were all young, did we feel rejected, we must have; did we
reflect this sense of rejection toward HER? Did we reject HER as much
as we might have felt rejected? Force myself as I did, I couldn’t recall any of the
details. I hoped I could ask her face to face this burning question: “Did we
do anything to make you feel hurt in any way?”
My
friend and I will get together with our high school friends before I leave Turkey. I am hoping we could
invite HER to that get together; we decide that is not appropriate for
this first meeting across the years. How about if we meet a few hours before
our class get-together; that won’t work, either since SHE is going out of town that day
for a yoga retreat. SHE has retired and become a yoga teacher! I am getting
more and more excited about meeting her, my friend keeps telling me it looks
like it won’t work this time. However, passingly she tells me the days and times
that SHE teaches yoga. My heart starts pounding in my chest: What if I go to
HER yoga class? And my friend gets even more mischievous “Let’s not tell HER,
just appear at the door…” We are back to our 20s in our crack up on the phone.
I can hear that my dear friend is as excited as I am about this prospect. I am already beyond happiness and my friend is also clearly very happy just because she is helping two of her friends be happy!!!
It is very nice to see that yoga studios are spreading all over Turkey, just like the US
She
gives me the address of the yoga studio, just a metro ride away from where I
stay in Izmir. All set. I
get up on Thursday morning, have an early breakfast and head to the metro
station to get to HER studio before the 11 am yoga class. I find the address, a nice, new apartment building. I am a bit early,
walk around the block. When I return, a car parks right around the corner by the
sidewalk. Instinctively, I walk by it without looking into it considering she
might be in it. I walk into the apartment building, get the elevator and push
the floor key. Just as the door starts closing, I hear women entering the lobby. I recognize HER voice in the joyful chatter of the three women walking toward the elevator. My heart leaps, I hope, they miss the elevator, but they
are quick, one of them catches the door before I can take off alone in the elevator. I put my sun glasses back on hoping with my now-white hair SHE won’t recognize me.
My attempt to remain indifferent to HER in the elevator didn't work!
SHE
does. I can feel HER eyes on me, I can feel a body next to mine in the elevator
feeling the same excitement as I am immersed in with a difficult-to-control giddiness as I fight back a laughter. And it happens, I hear HER voice: “Resmiye?”
with an upward intonation that reflects her disbelief and hope at the same time. I can’t pretend any more… I turn toward
her, take off my glasses, and find the happy sparks in HER eyes with
the widest smile I have seen on HER face as I can't control as wide a smile spreading onto my entire my face,
filling my heart' my soul in full bliss. We hug each other, I make a note that I hadn’t
received a meditative hug like this either from HER or from anybody for a long time. When we pull back in
chuckles, we can't help uttering “Oh my, oh my” not knowing what else to
say… HER company is beyond stunned, not knowing what is going on. Finally,
when we are on the floor where HER studio is, we have to untangle and SHE has
the opportunity to tell HER customers what has been happening. Then it occurs
to HER to ask me how in the world I found HER here. SHE chuckles again at the
conspiracy my friend and I cooked up. SHE is a very elegant yoga instructor. This is my
first yoga class in Turkey, hearing it taught in Turkish, what a pleasure to
receive this gift from HER, my friend. 
We do have some more time after yoga to spend together at a lovely coffee shop SHE takes me. I do ask my burning question. If we added to HER burden during those years, I would like to ask for HER forgiveness. SHE tells me it had nothing to do with what we did or did not do. I hope SHE is telling the truth. I am so happy to see HER as cheerful, fit, healthy, beautiful, and warm as the young woman I remember, whose traces I thought I had lost in 1983. I feel more connected to HER now seeing that our paths had converged through mediation and yoga. I can see the light on HER face that I see in some of my friends in my sangha in Iowa City. As we part, we promise to get together at HER house next time I visit Turkey that SHE shares with the brother of my best friend in a village in the outskirts of Izmir. I can’t wait my friend, both to see you again and also to continue connecting with you at this state of our lives through yoga, meditation, nature, and earth as well as our memories… Peace and joy.
As I leave Turkey through Ataturk airport the next day, tears stream down my cheeks for some reason... I look deeply inside my heart, they are not tears of sadness but of joy and cleansing tears... I don't know if anybody looks at me or not, but I allow them roll down my face and wash away some of the "unlivedness" in my life, who knows what the future holds for the rest. Keeping Pema Chodron's words in my mind "this very moment is the perfect teacher", I walk up to my gate and smile at the young stewardess...
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| Can we all learn to be aware of what beauty is right before our eyes, under our feet as we explore the expansive wonders of the earth and the future? |
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