PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC 2018 - 1 - MARA THE GODDESS OF TESTING IN FULL FORCE

Wow, what a start for a trip, which I had thought would be all peaceful and easy. I am on my way to Prague to attend the biennial “World  Child Maltreatment Conference”, which is organized by a group of bright, dedicated, kind colleagues from all over the world including my dear friend, emeritus professor Figen Sahin from Gazi University.

The Turkish delegate attending World Child Maltreatment Conference, the bright color is Figen Sahin's reflecting the light she emits under all circumstances...

My flight is scheduled to leave Cedar Rapids at 5:38 pm, at least so it says the print out I must have put in my folder when I had gotten confirmation from Orbitz. You can sense something not so good is coming, right. I don’t know that, yet, though. My plan is to leave work an hour early to make it to my flight. I check in the night before, all is well... In my mind… Soon I will find out one more time, yet again, that what is my understanding may not reflect the truth.  
 

I wish I had learned the value of asking questions much earlier in life...

 

Part of missing the truth has to do with me not being as detailed as my dear friend Jeanne would have done the opposite of what I did in preparation for this trip: I didn’t check Orbitz website to make sure that the original flight schedule was still valid. I didn’t check my flight times and numbers on each leg of the flight when I received “you are checked in!” confirmation from Delta, to make sure they matched what is on my print-out, off of which I am now operating. I also got absorbed with what I had to get done with at work and with checking the art scene in Prague before leaving and I forgot to print out my boarding passes! Way later, after arriving in Prague, I will discover that in fact the sole culprit of this hole I will soon discover having put myself into was and is me, myself, and I! Nobody else: I hadn’t printed an update e-mail from Orbitz but had saved it in my Prague e-mail folder way back. I suspect, I must have been distracted with something urgent at work while I was saving it in my folder and totally forgotten about it by the time urgent issue was resolved and it got buried in my electronic folder without making it to my hard copy folder.

Who knows which one of these distracted me from printing out my updated flight schedule way back in June 2018 

Just as I change to my travel attire and find time to check my cell phone around 2:55 pm, 50 minutes before I plan to leave my office, I see a Delta text from 2:45 pm, which announces that my flight from Cedar Rapids now will depart at 3:11 pm! What!!!??? This can’t be true… Did I read on my print-out, the 15:38 military time as 5:38 pm by mistake?  For a second I catch myself scolding myself with my father’s critical voice, for not having done all the things I could have done, which might have prevented this oversight, if it is one…
 

Only when we are able to use our words compassionately toward ourselves, are we able to use them impeccably with others, too...

 

Thanks to all the instructions from Tara Brach, Pema Chodron, and others… I pause and change gears. It is not time to scold myself; for one, I don’t know if it is my doing or Orbitz’ or Delta’s? Secondly, it is time to respond to this crisis and it is I, who has to respond to this mindfully. That is how I am able to recognize the high alert reaction that my limbic fight-flight-freeze system has already put to work. My muscles are as tense as can be. My thoughts are racing who knows how many miles an hour in my mind... Yet, despite this reaction, but because of the awareness of it, I am able to pause instead of allowing the fear guiding all this reaction turn into anger. With that pause, I am able to allow my limbic system collaborate with my frontal cortex! One says “You have to leave right away!”, the other says “Take a mindful look around the office, make sure you take with you everything you will need. They are all right here anyway.”

Pause is the best tool we have to prevent harm to ourselves and to others and to have a peaceful life under all circumstances. I admire those, who have practiced it all their lives...

I grab my work clothes I just changed out of, the bag of work shoes, my carry on, purse, cell phone and car keys and fly out the door! Every time, my monkey mind, the limbic system that is, tells me “You have to call Delta” my cortex responds “Calm down, as soon as you get in the car, you will, stop fear control you. And, worse comes to worse, you will leave tomorrow, one day in Prague lost, not the end of the world.” I love that voice of wisdom, it is so soothing... It is amazing to observe that I can listen to both voices as I am acting in lightening speed! And I breathe, deep big breaths, every now and then noticing how tense my muscles are, causing a bit of shakiness, literally, I am shaky, I observe that as I continue shaking lightly.

When I am able to go back to my body under stressful circumstances, it never fails me, after several breaths-long awareness of my body always calms me down when under stress...

I tell myself “You are shaking, that is fine, let it be, yes you are afraid all your plans may have to change and you don’t like this, but can you see this as a chance for letting go of grasping? Can you settle down for the worst outcome? In that comfort and peace, can you remain positive?" Gradually, I start counseling myself "The person you will talk to didn’t do anything wrong so treat her/him with compassion and dignity; and in fact there must be an explanation to how this went wrong, and who knows you may be the one responsible for this mishap.” not knowing, yet, in fact that will be the biggest truth, which is at this point against all my understanding of the situation and the assumptions my mind is full of. Back to deep breaths. As I leave my parking ramp, I am already answering some of the questions the digital secretary is asking me. When I provide the artificial intelligence my confirmation number, he gets the gravity of my dilemma right away; my flight must have already left! I hear him say “Let me connect you to a customer representative” and in a second, I have a sweet Rosa at the end of the line.
 

The utmost representation of grasping is anger, and what uncontrolled anger serves could not be depicted better than this analogy...

I am amazed how lovingly I am able to talk to Rosa with this positive attitude… I am able to feel and express my gratitude for her efforts to her with this awareness and the non-grasping attitude and “technique”. Despite all the "shaking” and tension I am engulfed with, I am able to remain sweet and understanding, which allows in turn Rosa to remain positive and full of desire to help me more.
 

...Or one mindfully chooses to recognize being positive serves everybody well including the person, who emits positive energy... 

Rosa tells me after quite some search -to understand it herself probably-, what she is seeing is the truth of the moment “Back in June, Orbitz had reached out to Delta and asked them to reschedule my departure to this mid-afternoon flight and thus, a new ticket was reissued apparently under the same confirmation number!” I share with her that I never received such a reissued ticket and had I received it, it would have been in my folder, which I will discover is not the truth, but I am in firm belief that it is the "truth" as I know it, or should we say I assume to be the truth, at this moment. My being able to check in online last night with no trouble also doesn’t eliminate the fact she is sharing with me, since the rescheduling occurred under the same confirmation number!

 

If only we can see that everybody that we encounter in fact is trying to do their best in life, so much compassion can be cultivated... 

 

It isn't even worth thinking of what could have prevented this turmoil, at this point...  I was probably doing my best at the time of this arrangement, anyway; trying to be compassionate to myself... “OK Rosa, whatever happened, happened; please find a way to get me to Detroit this evening so that I can connect with my flight, I am on my way to the airport.” I can’t believe how calm I am… Maybe all this mindfulness and meditation work is working! Rosa is very sweet, she goes back and forth between her customer service supervisor and I, no luck, she eventually tells me since Delta did nothing wrong and Orbitz rescheduled my flight, they cannot send me to Detroit tonight. Last resort I use “Rosa, I have to be in Prague tomorrow, I have a talk, please let me speak with your customer service supervisor, would you?” Just as I turn into the Airport Long Term Parking Lot, I am connected to Cheryl.
 

Generosity in kindness paves a path of appreciation and desire to get along and love...

 

I share my dilemma with her as I walk into the airport. Would she please find a way to send me to Amsterdam tonight, via Minneapolis, Atlanta, I don’t care, I have to leave Cedar Rapids tonight, although, part of me is also settled with the possibility of an only option of leaving tomorrow. I tell her, I am at the airport I can leave on any flight as early as 4:30 pm, in the next 45 minutes, that is. She sounds like she is energized with the fact that I am at the airport. She takes a brief leave as I approach the Delta counter. We enjoy her lovely music on speaker when I explain what is unfolding to a South-Asian looking young woman at the Delta counter as I make a mental note of her beautiful smile. Her boss, a young Iowan man with a sweet face gets curious and approaches the counter and Cheryl’s voice is back on: She has a flight to Detroit leaving from Cedar Rapids at 4:35 and she will reissue a ticket for me!

 

I so wish I had listened to people better in the past, rather than insisting that they heard what I had to say and thought I knew was best for them...

 

She warns nobody at the counter should be trying to check me in, otherwise her work can be canceled. The two lovely Iowans back off and we are all patiently waiting for Cheryl to reappear. I can see that both of them are as relieved and happy as I am. In the meantime, the young man and I chat a bit and discover that we exercise at the University Recreation Center that is how he has recognized me. His female peer is curious about what I do at the university and what my talk in Prague will be on, I tell them what I do as a child abuse pediatrician. As it always happens, their faces change to some kind of sadness, I know they are both feeling for the abused children I take care of.

 

Four Delta staff made peace for me, for themselves and for the world in that hour...

 

Finally Cheryl‘s “music to my ears” voice is telling us all, I am good to go and they may check me in. Our collective happiness almost turns into a celebration, including Cheryl. I thank Cheryl profusely and tell her I would like to send her boss a positive evaluation about her efforts. As she hangs up an automatic Delta recording asks me whether I would hire this person, no surprise my answer is “Definitely without a doubt on a scale of five”!When I turn my attention to the two young people at the counter, as the young woman checks me in for this new flight, her kind words are a gift to my heart “You do all this good work, you get back good from others.” What a sweet, compassionate, loving, kind sentiment. Although, I don’t expect to get back anything for the good I might be doing for the children of the world, it doesn’t hurt to hear a kind word or two occasionally, as what this sweet, kind woman just gifted me with. Our eyes connect, she knows how much I appreciate her words, I know how genuine her words are…

I have seen it all... I am in bliss that all I saw spilling out of the eyes I contacted today was kindness and shared joy... 

At this point, I feel my heart being expansive toward myself, toward Rosa, and toward Cheryl, who worked hard to resolve the issue for me. I feel the same even toward Orbitz staff, which I believe at this point "seemingly changed my flight schedule without communicating with me". I am still thinking, "Or did they and might I have deleted a message from Orbitz thinking it must be one more of their promotional ads?" All in all, I am grateful that whoever caused this difficulty, gave me the chance to grow through it. Who knows, (I give the benefit of doubt to all involved in this turmoil) where the truth is, after all, as is the case in most if not all of our judgmental moments?
 

I am thrilled to see that the more I dive into difficulties and respond to them gracefully, the more I am able to love and care... 

When I finally discover that it was in fact my oversight of their proper and timely communication with me, I will go back and feel grateful for this moment of not judging Orbitz staff. I tell myself compassionately, “Any time, you feel judgmental toward a person, a situation, a culture, a group, whatever it may be, keep in mind, the truth may not be what you think it is. Give them a chance and stay with compassion and connectedness…” As Pema Chodron says "Every day is a new opportunity to work with what you have inside toward enlightenment." I agree with her that we all have a good core with various thicknesses of a crust we have built around it as a result of the difficulties we have had throughout life. I see with great delight that as I dare to create holes in that crust to touch my good core more and more often, I become happier and more content... I will continue that drilling, until all there is the shining kindness of my good core with no expectations...

This is the sole guarantee of happiness and content...

This also belongs to this moment...