Tara Brach tells
us in one of her podcasts https://www.tarabrach.com/:
“Our heart and world are as big as who we include in them. Any aversive judgment separates and confines our hearts from others. Aversive judgment
causes unwise thinking, speech and suffering in both us and others. When we
feel there are obstacles to our needs being met or to our sense of safety, it
causes an unpleasant feeling. Even if it is a person that we love who presents
what is sensed as an obstacle to our needs, our evolutionary mechanisms kick in and we judge
and blame the other forgetting who this person actually is as a whole beyond this one
situation. We also forget who we are: Judging and blaming contract our heart.
Seeing the person as a whole, understanding and embracing them expand it."
https://www.tarabrach.com/freedom-from-othering/ Tara beautifully presents an engaged Buddhist perspective that sheds light to why we live in a world full of injustice and war.
Little do I know that who open my heart is to others will be tested big time when I open my eyes at 3:25 am in the morning of my flight to Uganda. Good I have one more hour to
sleep before I start my 45-hour long saga of connecting flights until I reach my
destination, this time Entebbe, Uganda! Since I am a solo traveler, not quite suitable for tours, I never had the guts to travel to Africa out of safety concerns… One
of my best childhood friends being located in South Sudan via a United Nations
Mission was a good opportunity to wet my feet in Africa when he invited me to
go to Lake Victoria.
Lake Victoria from Entebbe "Bay" If you forget it is a risk for Bilharziasis, it is pretty romantic.
I am tremendously excited for my upcoming trip both to see
a new land and its people, but also to see my friend after a hiatus of over 10
years. With these thoughts I slip into another short nap before the
clock goes off. My shuttle arrives a bit early, but that’s fine. He is a sweet
man. I am surprised to see at 5 am, another passenger, a middle aged woman in
the front seat. I learn later on that she is heading to Seattle to visit her
sister. She is quite chatty at this hour of the morning, telling the driver her
entire story.
I am determined to catch myself when my heart feels small with biases...
What is annoying (for a short period of time when my heart is small at this hour of the morning) is that she ends
every single sentence with a pronounced chuckle, at times even a laughter, that
is totally out of place based on what she is uttering. When I
learn that she has been living on her own for 20 years as she shares this with
the driver in the context of how she declined her sister’s invitation to live
together, my mind shifts… My heart expands, now there is room for her in it. 20 years of living alone may empower one since one has to
master everything needed for a comfortable life, but at the same time,
especially, if one doesn’t have a strong supportive friendship circle, it may sprinkle
layers of loneliness year after year.
There are many opportunities to feel compassion for others in our daily lives...
Is this why, this woman rushes into her
life story to connect with someone? My heart softens, I remind myself “she,
too, wants to be happy; she, too, needs to be connected; she, too, has a soft,
warm, vulnerable, and perhaps wise core nature” as Pema Chodron would instruct to come back to in day-to-day opportunities of mindfulness. I send her my loving kindness
wishes, I admire the driver, who responds to her small talk very graciously
allowing her to vent everything that is in her mind. I close my eyes, and her
chat becomes a soft murmur like a cat’s… Annoyance is long gone, all there is
left is softness, understanding, letting be… I go back to Pema's "Life presents us with numerous opportunities to practice mindfulness and meditation" one more time. I appreciate this one presented to me at 5 am in the morning...
Winter storm Inga with its snow, freezing rain and frigid temperatures in southern states that cancelled my flight from Cedar Rapids
I have two sets of tickets for my entire trip this
time: One set is from the US to Frankfurt, Germany. The other is from Frankfurt
to and from Entebbe, Uganda. Since my layover is a safe 5-6 hours, I feel
comfortable with the planning. In fact, it never occurred to me something could
go wrong until, at 6 am as we are getting ready to board, it is announced that
the Cedar Rapids-Charlotte flight was cancelled due to weather in the south! My
body reacts to the news much faster than my feelings: My hand goes to my mouth
as I murmur “Oh, my gosh”. The receptionist recommends us to get in line to
rebook…
It is truly possible to relax in uncertainty if we consider the worst outcome and accept it
I do as I am told, but I also notice how tense my body has
gotten in a split moment. I stop and take several deep breaths. Just as my dear
Bill would do, I consider the worst outcome. I may miss my flight to Uganda
tomorrow and may have to purchase another one way ticket to get there the day
after. That will reduce my time in Uganda and with my friend, but, better than
nothing… Now I can relax, continue focusing on my breath. Muscles relax one by
one, and in that space of stillness, the knowing mind whispers “would you
consider calling American Airlines Customer Service?” I do, and with the calm
of that brief meditation I connect with the customer representative, an African
American woman, I can tell from her accent, beautifully. In ten minutes, I am
transferred to a package of United flights to Frankfurt. I will get there
almost exactly at the same time the American flight out of Charlotte would have… All
is well. I smile and invisibly bow in gratitude to people, who have convinced
me to the value of mindfulness and meditation through their teachings in writing or
spoken words. I hope everybody finds themselves on this
path. Life becomes much easier my friends, trust me (do I sound like Trump? at least I didn't say "Believe me!"), try it….
Embracing difficulty without disdain has its rewards...
I exit the gate area one more time to check in. The check-in
lady tells me she can’s assign an aisle seat on my connecting flight, the
longer one of the two flights to Frankfurt. I submit without protest hoping her fellow in Chicago will be understanding and give me an aisle seat.
However, when I get to the gate, where I find a sweet-looking man to
board us, I decide to try my luck with him with no expectation, just
as a dear friend of mine had suggested one time wisely. The man is indeed very
sweet, it turns out he can! He moves me several rows back, who cares, once in Frankfurt, I will be in no rush; and he tells me
there is nobody assigned to any of the other two seats next to mine.
Although it is difficult to believe people who are starving to death can find happiness inside, in most situations, we make ourselves more miserable than any circumstance does.
I don’t
want to grasp on the fantasy of being able to lie down on a three-seat row.
Guess what, the dream comes true! Although the plane to Frankfurt is pretty
full, nobody claims any of the other two seats next to mine, and I sleep like a
baby for at least 2-3 hours across Atlantic… Is that what the universe does as
my daughter claims, when you don’t expect, you don’t grasp or crave, all falls
into place? With all my delay and layover, each 6 hours, I arrive in
Istanbul 29 hours after leaving my bed. I have another 3 hour layover in
Istanbul. I take it easy, and walk to my gate doing walking meditation.
Sunset across Istanbul Ataturk Airport
By the
time I arrive at the gate, there is a beautiful sunset, albeit interrupted by
the mechanical artifacts of the airport. Still, I drink up the colors moving
behind the airport and under a thick blanket of clouds covering Istanbul. I find a seat next to the glass wall toward
the sunset to continue my meditation visually. At an airport, any meditation
ends up integrating sounds into the field of awareness, inevitable… That’s when
I notice that the gentleman, whose name I will find out to be Marian later on,
is speaking a language that sounds like a Slavic language with the other two
gentlemen that joined him since I closed my eyes.
This is where my airport friends from Slovenia are heading when I am going to be by Lake Victoria in the south
The other two have straw hats on their heads with a
carnation and a twig of rosemary, attached to their hats. Marian leaves for a
while only to return a little later. By that time, his friends have occupied
his seat. Seeing that he now has to stand to be with his friends, I move to my
left to allow them to have three seats next to one another. The one in the
middle, whose name turns out to be Ivo, thanks me. I dare asking them what
language they speak when there is this appropriate "space". It turns out they are from
Slovenia....
Internally displaced people in Northern Uganda: Kids carrying laundry baskets
Ivo is very talkative, an animated conversation starts
with their (rather Ivo’s) limited English and my
non-existent Slovenian. But I am a veteran of communicating with people with no
knowledge of the preferred language of either party! I recall a time when I was
traveling with my ex-husband and my cousin and her husband. Within our group, I spoke English and a
little Greek as well as knowing some Latin words from my medical education.
One of the many beautiful beaches in Marmaris, Turkey, where 6 young willing people became friends with no common language 40 years ago
My cousin was fluent in German and that was it. We met an Italian couple in
Marmaris, a beautiful vacation destination in southwestern Turkey, who only spoke Italian! The six of us not only vacationed together
with lots of lively conversations with vocabulary from Latin, German, English,
Italian, and Greek, all mumbled jumbled into a soup of an unidentifiable
language; but also I was able to help the Italian woman who had rheumatic fever
and an exacerbation during her vacation find a doctor and get treated! It was
an unforgettable connection, if only people desire to connect.
Gulu seems to be a pretty big town, however, I didn't find anything on the internet on ATEDA
Mankind did connect one more time, beautifully. Ivo, Marian and
Mirko are three Catholic workmen, who have been going to ATEDA Parish in Northern
Uganda. They have helped the locals build a school and now they
are heading to Gulu, Uganda one more time to help renovate and expand the
parochial elementary school built on the premises of the parish church. Ivo shares
with me all the photos he has taken on previous trips. It is very clear that
Ivo is proud of their work, and justly so. Such humanity, such humility and
kindness reflected on the pictures. How can I not embrace these good human
beings, and how in the world am I going to be able to harbor positive feelings
toward the monster in the White House who calls countries like Uganda
“shithole” countries… How low can a person get in regards to how they regard
other human beings… Is he redeemable at all?
How can this man represent one of the most influential countries in the world?
And I get on my plane that will take me to Entebbe at last. I have an aisle seat all right, but my row is full and it is the last row: No comfy sleep on this leg of my chain of flights. Sitting next to me is a couple from Ireland, but originally, one is from Italy and the other from England. They are heading toward Northern Uganda to do volunteer work for a Jehovah’s Witness Parish! I swallow the question “Why do you oppose blood transfusion when somebody might desperately need it?" They will both teach bible to locals and help the church with anything else that may be needed. They work online, so their work is portable and thus, they will be able to stay in Uganda for three months! Has Christianity done more good than bad in Africa or the other way around, can't help but think silently...
A book that creatively tell us how Christianity in fact worked with slave traders in Africa way back in a historical fiction context, a must read...
The border control staff is friendly, checks all my paperwork and all is well. I observe a young man adjusting the luggage on the belt to make it easy for us to pick them up. I smile at him as I murmur “your job is not easy”, he smiles back with a beautiful smile as he responds “Thank you mama”! I will learn later from my friend that Ugandans address all women older than them as Mama just like they do in Turkey with “auntie”. And my white hair deserves being called Mama by this 20 some year old adorable man. Ismail, my driver arranged by Claire, my hostess, is right there outside the baggage claim area waiting for me with a sign in his hand with my name on it. When I wave to him, he is one big smile. As soon as we meet he grabs my luggage with a shy “Welcome to Uganda Madam” and a smile with downcast looks. Is this a multigenerational, taught reserve, imposed on them by the colonialists? By the slavery experience? He leaves me at the sidewalk, pays for his parking ticket and picks me up. I discover that they drive on the left side of the road, in Uganda. The main road out of the airport is a divided asphalt highway 2 lanes each way, traffic is light and smooth at 5:30 in the morning.
Although there are asphalt highways in Uganda, most reads are dirt roads and sometimes with sizeable holes on them.
Shortly, the road becomes a two lane regular “county” road, and finally as we pass by Victoria Mall, the main shopping center in town, it turns into red dirt road. Dirt roads are the mainstay. Claire and her on-site guard, I will l earn later, Ali are up and awake, waiting for us.
Entrance to our Colonial guesthouse, the door of which is locked at all times
Everybody is tired, Claire graciously shows my way into my room; relief, the beds are indeed covered by a long double layer net to prevent mosquitos. After taking a shower and washing all my travel clothes, I collapse to bed around 6:30 after this 45 hour long chain of flights and airports. I will not wake up until 2:30 pm! Total sleep time goes up to 12 hours in 53 hours, not terrible. I am refreshed although a bit fuzzy… I am excited to get to know Entebbe and its people, learn how they perceive happiness, how they go about their business day to day, how they connect with their visitors and each other, whether I will be able to see the good in them in this brief period of time... I will try, that's all I can do...
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| Connections come find me with these beautiful African women |
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