This entry on my trip to Turkey is going to be different
compared to my previous entries about my international travels. This prose is the beginning of the story of four families that came together in Izmir,
Turkey in the Bornova county in late 80s to late 90s. Living within a diameter of one mile, these 8
young people in their late 20s to early 30s and their offspring evolved into
a commune who have been writing a story of unbreakable friendship, community,
and chosen family for the last 30 years.
Secondly, Levent’s daughter, the second youngest of our kids got married in Cesme resort town, the westernmost town in Turkey, this summer, which was the primary cause of my visit to Turkey this time. Coluk Combalak, which may be translated into English as “Kids and All” produced 5 children altogether, who became godchildren for all adults of Coluk Combalak, but more so for me and Aysegul, the female member of a third couple, because I was the pediatrician for all of them, and Aysegul was the best of the best in-home day care provider for all our children for about 5-6 years. In fact the name Coluk Combalak came to being with Aysegul’s husband Yildiray’s creativity, who has an impeccable command of Turkish.
My daughter and Aysegul, her one and only aunt, who was the 24/7 on-call nannie for all our children for ten years
Coluk Combalak in and of itself has such unique history and stories
to it, which may deserve to find life in a novel some day, I will try to share
with the reader our collective story to show how unconditional love, embracing
each other with open arms, doing good for the collective along with our
core families can create miracles. Although this entry will be more about
Levent and I and our families, since the oldest four of our five kids already
have partners, it is most likely that in the next 5-8 years, we will marry one
of them every summer. I suspect the youngest will change his mind in due time
and by the time the oldest four start their families, he most likely will also
partner up. As a result, this story will continue with each child getting
married on this blog, stay tuned.
Unforgettable depiction of the light, fun, and loving relationship among the three males of our clan: Mehmet, the acting Godfather and Yildiray and Levent paying their respects to him in Turkish style!
In 2014, my mother on the deck of our summer house in Kusadasi Turkey
What was worse was that she was confused, fighting bouts of semi-delirium. The promises from her physicians that she would sail through this and get back to her baseline were all impossible to believe based on what little I could recall two decades after I had last studied neurosurgery and neurology. And I knew too much about whiplash impact injuries through abusive head trauma cases I took care of day in day out. I held onto the hope for a year, my brothers longer, and my poor mother declined before our eyes, still alive, but the life in her rarely surfacing to remind us that a vague ray of sunshine is still in her...
When she dresses up as she did for my niece's wedding in 2014 and "submits" to putting on her dentures, she is almost back, through time, as her usual self
I did forgive my father when I understood all his hurting others was because he hurt deep inside so much when nobody understood
This most recent trip to Turkey on the other hand is dictated by
a wonderful event that I knew would make all involved extremely happy: The
second youngest of our five kids, Gulce, now a beautiful 28 year
old woman is getting married to Oguz, the love of her life, in Cesme, an hour
away from Izmir, Turkey on the westernmost “finger” of a three-finger
peninsula, right by the water, in fact on the water! They couldn’t have chosen
a better wedding place than this where people drink The Water, eat The Water,
savor The Water and long for The Water in whatever they do, wherever they go, on whatever land they live, just like I…
Camkiran, Bornova framer's market site surrounded with apartment buildings where The Coluk Combalak Commune lived in 1980s and 1990s
Although, this commune now consists of five families, three couples and one bachelor with two generations, scattered to four continents, this entry will focus on specifically two families for several reasons: The first is that my family history and that of Levent, the male
member of the second family in our commune have a historical connection across four generations now, in the context of
forced population exchange of the last century between two countries across The Water, Greece and Turkey. The Aegean Sea in almost romantic sense is "THE Water" for the peoples around it. In fact this intergenerational connection between Levent and I brought our commune, The Coluk Combalak to being with Levent being the epicenter.
Levent my "bigger than life" friend of 59 years, wearing my hat the day before his daughter's wedding
Secondly, Levent’s daughter, the second youngest of our kids got married in Cesme resort town, the westernmost town in Turkey, this summer, which was the primary cause of my visit to Turkey this time. Coluk Combalak, which may be translated into English as “Kids and All” produced 5 children altogether, who became godchildren for all adults of Coluk Combalak, but more so for me and Aysegul, the female member of a third couple, because I was the pediatrician for all of them, and Aysegul was the best of the best in-home day care provider for all our children for about 5-6 years. In fact the name Coluk Combalak came to being with Aysegul’s husband Yildiray’s creativity, who has an impeccable command of Turkish.
As most readers know, I was born and raised in Izmir, Turkey and
lived in the Aegean region of the country until I turned 38, when I decided to
move to the US following my professional aspirations that included
opportunities for my daughter beyond the confines of Turkey. Between 2002 and
2013, almost all my visits, but, three to Turkey were determined by my ongoing
professional work there with a large collaboration of colleagues to improve the
field of child protection in the country, which led to 30 plus governmental hospital based child protection centers and at least a dozen university based centers with additional academic responsibilities.
My brothers, their wives, my aunt, and my mother, who was left neurologically disabled after a car accident, a picture from 2017
My brothers, their wives, my aunt, and my mother, who was left neurologically disabled after a car accident, a picture from 2017
What was worse was that she was confused, fighting bouts of semi-delirium. The promises from her physicians that she would sail through this and get back to her baseline were all impossible to believe based on what little I could recall two decades after I had last studied neurosurgery and neurology. And I knew too much about whiplash impact injuries through abusive head trauma cases I took care of day in day out. I held onto the hope for a year, my brothers longer, and my poor mother declined before our eyes, still alive, but the life in her rarely surfacing to remind us that a vague ray of sunshine is still in her...
The second non-professional visit to Turkey was two years after
the first one, when my father struggling with Parkinson's disease died
of chronic subdural hematoma following a fall, a type of insidious slow-developing bleeding
around the brain elderly may suffer from with impact trauma. When my mother had
had a lovely childhood, roaming their farmland, busying herself with farm life
that she adored and craved for all her life, subsequent to which she was a very
resilient and self-confident woman, my father was not that lucky.
My mother, age 14 and my father age 27, during their engagement ceremony in 1957: No wonder I became a child abuse pediatrician!
His mom and dad did not enjoy a happy union and there was sibling discrimination in his family, his older brother glorified and my poor father put down and humiliated even into adulthood. As a result, he was an unhappy man, who didn't trust himself and needed constant validation and did not treat my mother as she deserved. Engulfed in his traditional upbringing, he oppressed me to the greatest extent, which didn’t help our bonding during my adolescence, either. Thus, unfortunately, he wasn't my most favorite parent. As I was heading to Turkey at age 45, I knew I had to experience his total loss in the years to come to appreciate what good he had given me, which understanding evolves to date. On the plane, I was shedding tears for not grieving the loss of a parent... Forgiving him would come in a few more years when I understood how deeply he was hurt himself. We now enjoy a session of remembering our father's funny, sarcastic side every time I go back home over a dinner and laugh our hearts out with his words in his honor and memory, which has been even more healing.
My mother, age 14 and my father age 27, during their engagement ceremony in 1957: No wonder I became a child abuse pediatrician!
His mom and dad did not enjoy a happy union and there was sibling discrimination in his family, his older brother glorified and my poor father put down and humiliated even into adulthood. As a result, he was an unhappy man, who didn't trust himself and needed constant validation and did not treat my mother as she deserved. Engulfed in his traditional upbringing, he oppressed me to the greatest extent, which didn’t help our bonding during my adolescence, either. Thus, unfortunately, he wasn't my most favorite parent. As I was heading to Turkey at age 45, I knew I had to experience his total loss in the years to come to appreciate what good he had given me, which understanding evolves to date. On the plane, I was shedding tears for not grieving the loss of a parent... Forgiving him would come in a few more years when I understood how deeply he was hurt himself. We now enjoy a session of remembering our father's funny, sarcastic side every time I go back home over a dinner and laugh our hearts out with his words in his honor and memory, which has been even more healing.
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| Our five kids: Zeynep, my daughter and oldest of the clan, Umut, Ekin, Gulce, the bride, and Baris, interestingly they are in decreasing age order from left to right! |
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| And this is where our dear Gulce will get married to Oguz, right on The Water.... |
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