Rape cannot be accepted under any circumstance, but…What
kind of a mindset can one have to rape a young woman, who is going about her
business of returning home from school, to join her family for dinner, study
some more to finish college? We are and must strive for keeping women safe even
if they walk on the street naked… We want to make sure all our male world
citizens understand that if a woman says No, or is not in a condition to give
informed consent, sex is rape. Yet, humanity has a long way toward
accomplishing this goal, even in the USA, where lots of efforts have been
implemented toward that goal. In other parts of the world, occasional drama
that unfolds may force all your hair to stand: A man from Turkey finds alone in
his mini-bus an attractive woman as a passenger, a client. She is the last
passenger to be dropped off. Instead of delivering her to her final
destination, he veers right or left and takes her into a remote area and attempts
raping (to be seen if rape was completed on autopsy) her.
She fights, of course she will, she is an enlightened
Turkish woman in college, who understands a man cannot just kidnap and rape
her. She uses a spray to get away from him. What kind of a mindset can one have
to lose it when a woman does not accept to be raped? He kills her. Now blood in
his hands, he reaches out to his father and friend. What kind of mindset can
one have to lose all empathy for a victim of this most vicious crime on earth
to stand with a rapist and a murderer? The clan of males of the murderer’s “support
system” and the murderer join in a shared psycho-/sociopathic camaraderie and
they cremate the dead body of the raped especially the cut hands to destroy the
DNA under her nails!
All societies on earth struggle with rape. All societies on
earth struggle with murder. All societies on earth struggle with crimes
involving the death of one or more people, some intentional, premeditated, some
impulsively committed like in this case. But for some reason, when rape and
murder and attempts to destroy all evidence with yet additional means of
violence are intermingled, it makes one’s stomach turn to such an extent, you almost
lose trust in humanity. I recovered to a certain extent only when I heard the
women in that society rose up and demanded dignity for the victim, demanded
protection and elimination of this type of patriarchal, power-driven crimes,
demanded to stand by the victim’s coffin in the mosque when the clergy asked
them to go to the rear, segregated section so that they would not be seen my
men.
You ask yourself, why? Why does Turkish society and other
societies where women are kidnapped, raped, killed routinely harbor such
impossible-to-comprehend violence against women? Why does the family of this
regular man going about his business, who turns into a socio-psychopath
impulsively team up with him in destruction of all evidence of his crimes instead
of turning him to authorities? The answer of not only these questions, but also
of how to prevent such crimes against humanity is within the question isn’t it?
When we learn more about the offender, we start
understanding that he was a victim-turned-into-an-offender, all too common in
all human tragedy. He came from a family where the father was a domestic
violence perpetrator, where the mother had nobody to go to including community
services, where this man was also possibly physically abused as a child. Had
that family not raised him in a way to allow rapist tendencies, they could have
also been able to hand him over to authorities. The fact that they raised a man
with a rapist’s power control mentality, the fact that they raised a man with
tendencies to murder when he couldn’t get his way, the fact that they raised a
man, who recognized no boundaries whatsoever, the fact that they raised a man
with no empathy, they were also able to team up with him to protect a rapist
and a murderer and to destroy the body of the victim with no shame, no empathy,
no honor, no respect for life especially the life of a woman.
How does a family raise a son who might potentially rape a
woman? Does talking about the size of the penis of a boy with pride affect him as
he grows up when a girl’s privates are private, very private, hidden from all
discourse throughout her life? Does
allowing boys to be outside all they want when girls are expected to be home at
a certain time affect a boy’s understanding of a woman to be out and about
after dark? What does a boy growing up in a family where women go out only under
the protection and supervision of male members of the family think about a
college student getting on the bus alone at 10 pm? What do potential rapists
read in a court verdict that lets go of 7 men raping a 13 year-old under the
premise of consensual sex decreed under political pressure in Turkey? What do
people in a society hear in a clergy’s sermon when he preaches “the cause for
all rape and assault is women getting dressed in a provocative way. Devil
appears to men in the form of women dressed provocatively”? Can one hear
anything in this statement but “men are weak and will and may submit to the
Devil when the Devil/woman turns them on” and justify rape?
The only cure to eliminating rape is to start thinking about
gender roles in a society. As long as the patriarchal society structure that
gives men all they want and need and suppresses women as much as possible with
fear and intimidation, rape will remain perpetrated by men feeling entitled to
anything: Just like the above murderer did. He was given the right to claim
sexual gratification whenever he wanted with whomever he chose as long as he
wouldn’t be caught. He was so full of need for power as any perpetrator is, a “No”
was a threat to his existence, which triggered the urge to kill: Need for power
to control. Then, more lack of empathy and accountability and yet another level
of entitlement: Burn, destroy, both the victim and evidence so that he could
continue living his life with all the entitlements he perceived to deserve: Who
gave him all these entitlements, we need to ask; starting from his parents, to
his education, to the society, to the political culture...
Societies should look into how we individuals shape up our communities.
How do we as parents determine what the future generations will be like? How do
we instill virtues into our children’s souls and how do we miss doing so if we
do? What kind of boundaries do we set for our children to help them grow up to
claim reasonable rights for themselves and respect the rights of others, even
become mature adults to give to their societies instead of take away in a
destructive way, sometimes like in this case? What do our schools teach
children and youth about gender roles and sexuality among other things? How do
our religious orientations affect how we raise our children? Do we use our
religion to give them the message of being good and fair and respectful for all
creatures created while being free in our thinking and expression? Of doing
good to and for everybody in our society? Of controlling our basic instincts
with self-respect first and foremost then with respect for others’ dignity? Of
treating equally all creatures of whatever higher power we believe in created,
man or woman, human or animal, ours or others’?
Can our politicians push aside their political agendas and
support justice for all? Will all perpetrators of the above terrifying crimes
be convicted via a just legal process in Turkey and anywhere on earth including
ours? We know that “good kids” do very very bad things in our back yard in the
USA… Will political agendas and comraderies come in the way again in Turkey and
will the victim be “convicted” one more time as it happened in several rape and
child sexual abuse cases in Turkey during the last decade ? Does political will
have any role in this trend? One wonders if all there is to this vicious
scenario is the conversion of a society to one with limitless male power
glorifying submission of females into the home in fear of rape at every turn in
the public arena. And are those insisting to remain in schools, on the roads,
in the city squares at risk of being raped and killed by those encouraged by a
changing culture? I trust with all my heart that Turkish society will not accept
this trajectory knowingly or unknowingly imposed upon the society by those that
have been re-carving Turkish society into a medieval one.
