My fourth trip to Colombia, one of my most
favorite countries among all that I have visited so far. Although, the
government of my dear friends there drove both my friends and I crazy by not
purchasing my ticket until 3 days prior to my flight, I still love this country
and its people! In fact, in a way, I am grateful for that experience since it tested my patience and ability to stay in the moment that I am trying to get better and better at for some time now...
I am thankful to all that crossed my path and taught me to be more patient..
Knowing the similarities between Colombian and
Turkish cultures, I suspected our government employees would be similar, too. I
had asked my dear friend Isabel, who is the director of a phenomenal NGO,
called Afecto in Colombia to make sure before the purchase I would see the
itinerary. And she did, as I was traveling home from New York City, she
did send me the proposed itinerary, which made me "spring up to the
ceiling from my seat"! My trip was starting from Cedars with a return in
11 days to the same city. They had just omitted five letters from my departure
city, which should have been Cedar Rapids!
Luckily Isabel and I are connected through
Whatsapp, and I was able to send her a "Noooooo, don't let them purchase
that ticket, I don't know where that city is", certainly with a smiley
face at the end to prevent a heart attack on her part. She had worked with the
government for at least 2 months and this was what they could produce. I bet
Isa and her husband Julio had multiple conversations with the governmental
staff, who insisted that their office would purchase the ticket and government
wouldn't reimburse anybody. When the ticket was finally purchased, I noticed
that I had become a male, most likely, people in developing countries still
considering a doctor must be a man, let alone a professor. I thought, I
wouldn't worry about it as long as I had a ticket at hand. Isa corrected it and
they sent me a new ticket, however, when I checked in I was still a man! When I
went to the gate, nobody paid attention to what the gender was. Should the
plane fall, that might be a problem, but I won't bring it up...
Isabel and I definitely have a stronger relationship for being willing to show understanding and support to each other in the process
Boarding the
plane starts with a positive note: I was working at the gate, on the last
entries of my trip to Turkey for this blog. Although I was thinking, I was
also listening to the announced zones, I must have not been as successful in
multi-tasking as I thought I could. I hear the last zone being announced
and wrap up very quick and get in line. Earlier in Dallas, I had tucked my
fleece jacket over the straps of my day back pack. I was cognizant of its
presence there. Every time I put on my backpack I would check to
make sure the jacket was still there. But not this time. Impatience always
gets in the way of mindfulness, doesn't it? How many times do I have to lose
something before I learn, a pause is needed the most when I feel most
pressured, rushed, or impatient. Work in progress…I haven’t lost hope in
myself, yet…
I get on the plane and as I walk through 1st
class seats, my hand instinctively goes back to the straps of my backpack, I
must have felt calmer now, back to my senses. Sure enough the jacket is not
there. For a moment, I consider going out to look for it, I know exactly where
it would be, laying on the floor where I had left the backpack, while I
was working on my computer. There is already a line of at least 15-20 people
behind me. I decide not to cause a chaos and let it go… As I take a few more
steps forward, I hear the must-be-Colombian stewardess announce “If anybody
left a green fleece jacket at the gate, we have it, please let us know…”
I turn around, raise my hand and say gently “It is mine.” I
bet there is a smile on my face. My words reach the stewardess by word of mouth
and in a minute, she looks my way, our eyes connect with a smile on both faces,
and she produces my jacket. The light green cloth moves from hand to hand
traveling toward me, I am facing the line of passengers that stopped their
boarding for a minute. Everybody is smiling at me as they pass this “flag” of
connection forward. My heart is dancing… Not necessarily for the fact that in a
few more moments I will reunite with my jacket. But more so: What simple but
lovely connection among totally stranger human beings this carelessness of mine
that triggered kindness on the part of whoever picked it up and brought it to
the plane is harboring. Do they know how I am touched by it? I don’t know that
they do or they can, for that matter. But just as Pema Chodron, Tara Brach,
Thich Nhat Hanh and many others teach, what matters is this positive kindness
energy that is in the air. I can tell by looking at the face of each person,
whose hand contributes to the deliverance of my jacket into my
hands, they are all happy as much as I am…
As I thank with my words and eyes every face of the hand
that touched my jacket, I turn forward to move toward my seat. Later I will regret why I didn't ask who had brought my jacket to the plane to thank them in person. Another mindless moment being overloaded with positive emotions... This experience brings
a recent memory to mind, however, again from an airport. I was returning from New York
City, connecting in Detroit. I had visited my daughter and given a grand rounds
at Mount Sinai Kravis Children’s Hospital the week before. I had the water
thermos with me that I had inherited from a very dear student, now a colleague
Victoria, Tori in short. Tori had done a research project with me and we had
connected so well, we had become friends at the end of the mentor-mentee
relationship. During one of our meetings
she had inadvertently left her thermos in my office. Time was running out
before her move to Arizona to start her residency. I took her thermos to my
house, where we were going to get together for our “last supper” to celebrate
her upcoming wedding to which I was not going to be able to attend due to my
last trip to Turkey.
It turns out we had such lively conversations at the dinner
table, although the thermos was at one end of the table so that it would be
visible to all of us, she and her husband-to-become left without picking up her
thermos. I thought that was her gift to me, a constant memory to cherish and
didn’t mail it to her. When I traveled to New York City, I took the thermos for
the first time with me on a trip. On my return trip, I was early to the airport,
busying myself with reading Pema Chodron's book "Taking the
Leap" at the gate. I had taken my water bottle out of the pocket of
my backpack to sip on water. When it wasn't in use, I kept it between my
body and the arm rest of the seat I was sitting on.
And that’s how I left it on the seat where it was as the
boarding started only to recall I had left it at the gate when the doors were already
closed. It broke my heart, it was almost like saying a final good bye to Tori.
But what could I do other than let it go… I took deep breaths, forgave myself
and tried to meditate on the flight back to Detroit. As I left the aircraft,
walking to my next gate, I heard a woman’s voice behind me: “M'am, you were on
the plane from New York, weren’t you?” I turned around, since the voice was so
close by, I wondered if that mam was meant to be I. A woman in her late 40s or
early 50s, probably of Scandinavian origin, possibly form a small town… How do
I know any of this, it is all based on our perceptions, which are wrapped with
biases that all or at least some may be incorrect. What I know for sure is that
there was an unmistakable kindness and caring on that face.
She was talking to me indeed, since our eyes locked into one
another’s the moment I turned around. Just as I said “Yes” , she raised her
hand and said “Is this yours?” and in her hand was my dear Tori’s thermos. My
face must have lit up with joy since I saw the reflection of joy I had in my
heart on her face. To my “Yes” she responded with “I thought so. I saw you
drinking from it at the gate at La Guardia, then when we saw the thermos on the
seat we decided to take it along with us to give it to you.”
Another internet picture for the key word "meditative hug": We probably hugged each other just like these two women
The entire universe turned into a warm, light, calming breeze, a loving caress. I must have melted as I uttered “You are so kind, this is so precious" with an even bigger smile, which must have filled my entire face at that point. I couldn't help but allowing the Turk in me ask her "May I give you a hug?” She was full of joy as much as I and our arms reached out to each other at the same time. There we were, two women, stranger to one another until an hour and a half ago, and one woman’s caring and kindness now connected them in a meditative hug, holding one another for 5 seconds perhaps; yet another gift.
The entire universe turned into a warm, light, calming breeze, a loving caress. I must have melted as I uttered “You are so kind, this is so precious" with an even bigger smile, which must have filled my entire face at that point. I couldn't help but allowing the Turk in me ask her "May I give you a hug?” She was full of joy as much as I and our arms reached out to each other at the same time. There we were, two women, stranger to one another until an hour and a half ago, and one woman’s caring and kindness now connected them in a meditative hug, holding one another for 5 seconds perhaps; yet another gift.
I gave a hug to the teenaged girl that was traveling with
the kind woman, her daughter, or granddaughter, both possible. She was watching
us all along with as big a smile on her face as ours, witnessing this
interaction between two strangers, who cared about one another, who opened
their hearts to one another, and thanked the universe for this loving
interaction. Her face was full of joy and peace, what a teaching moment for her
to grow up to become as caring as her mother or grandmother.
They were to stay in Detroit, I to catch another flight, my
now friend of the world told me affectionately “We’ll let you go.” And we
parted. I took maybe 20 steps still full of the good feelings they left me
with, all of a sudden a stream of tears started rolling down my face. First
they screamed “Why can’t everybody be so caring, so kind, so willing to go that
extra 2 inches? It is kindness that makes everybody happy. Not frustration, not
anger, not fear, not ignorance.” Part of this was toward myself, I now know well
that I did hurt people with my fears turned into frustration, impatience, and
grasping, which I would like to mend until then end of my life. But what about
those, who turn their fears mindlessly to anger, hatred, blindness, and wars…
Gradually, they turned into calm, peaceful, mindful droplets
telling me “We are all interconnected, wherever we come from, whether we can
understand each other’s thoughts, motives, attitudes, or behaviors… When the
opportunity to do good arises, all differences cease and goodness that we
choose to bring out trumps everything else and all turns out to be well.” Once
again, human kindness and caring make not only me happy, but all the
passengers, through whose hands my jacket traveled until it reached me tonight.
I am thankful that I am surrounded by caring, honest, kind people on this
flight, who are able to touch the good core in their hearts…
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| Maybe we can raise children with mindfulness tools. An internet site provides exactly that for those readers, who may be interested in it: https://lookforlittlehelpers.com/mindfulnessforkids/ |
