CESME TURKEY 2018 - 7 - AND THE WEDDING NIGHT UNTIL OUR NEXT WEDDING

We have arrived. Aya Yorgi is lying before my eyes like a provocative but submissive bride. Sun rays having softened, hitting Aya Yorgi’s surface at a very acute angle from above the hills the cove is nestled against, her color is emerald not the turquoise of the mid-day. You would almost wonder if she has gotten polluted, sure enough The Water is as crystal clear as it always has been. My heart is singing with the beauty surrounding me, that of the guests of the wedding on one hand but more so with that of The Water, my Aegean.

Aya Yorgi, with all its serenity will soon witness the joy and laughter spilling out onto her bosom from our Gulce's wedding 

We are led to the facility, which used to be a salas (rustic) country café 20-30 years ago. In the old days, the café had some 30-40 plain wooden tables and chairs for four. When you came to Aya Yorgi on any day, you would rent one of these tables as your “campsite” for the day. You would swim all you wanted in the small enough and large enough cove according to your taste of swimming.

Aya Yorgi, 13 years ago, much more serene than what it is now, imagine what it was like in 1980s..

 

When you needed to come to land, you had your table to return to a few yards from the water. Drink and eat all you wanted, you did, but The Water was there waiting for you all day long into the dark of the night when you headed back to Izmir and to the week calling your name, having been energized with all Aya Yorgi had to offer… A glimpse of my beautiful Ekin on fire wakes me up from this nostalgia… She is always a fireball, but in her asymmetric bright orange dress, she is ablaze… We hug and she lands a loving kiss on my lips! Such passion for life and love, how can I, or anyone for that matter not love her to pieces? How lucky David is, I hope he appreciates this invaluable piece of jewel with his loving kindness holding her in his loving presence. I suspect, he does; the two days I will spend with him will help me get to know him better at this second encounter since their relationship started. He is a piece of jewel as well, for sure.

Ekin the awesome, lips pursed her colors inside and out sparkling... 

Then my eye catches Umut and his fiancée Franzie walking in with Aysegul and Yildiray, Umut’s parents. Umut, the big brother of our collective four children. How he has always overseen all our children: When Zeynep was doing her study-abroad year in Istanbul, Umut was also attending Istanbul Technical University. I know well from Zeynep’s sharing that Umut had protected Zeynep from couple of unfortunate mishaps, and who knows how else he had supported her during her stay in Istanbul that I don’t know about. I know from social media posts that any two, or three or more of our kids end up in Istanbul for whatever reason, the first person or people they look for happens to be the other Coluk Combalak youth members. Over good food and good conversation accompanied with raki, boy do they drink raki just like water, they have remained connected with an ever-growing bond amongst this small clan of five kids! What a gift, to have found sisterhood and brotherhood among five siblings with ten parents!!!  Talk about resource-rich kinship…

 

Umut and Zeynep, the older brother and sister of our five-kids family

As soon as our eyes connect, we rush to each other. Meditative hugs abound… Franzie has as big a smile as all of us. Although, this is the first time I am meeting her, I heard so much about her, and she must have heard a word or two about me at least when my daughter Zeynep visited Umut and Franzie in Mexico just a few months ago, that we hug each other as warmly as if she had been in our big family for years. She will connect with us all with such warmth and submission through the night, there will come a time I will go to Umut and joke with him “Umut, are you sure this girl is a German, it looks like you found her in the countryside of the Black Sea…”, which is where Umut’s family is from through and through. We crack up, lovingly, affectionately…

David, Ekin, MIke, Zeynep, Franzie, and Umut, our partnered kids except for the bride and the groom... 

The Coluk Combalak gravitates around a table on the terrace built right on top of The Water! Suzan and Levent are missing, being the “owners” of the wedding, they are greeting all their guests. I look around, Levent’s siblings and their spouses, Suzan’s siblings and their spouses and kids and extensions are all around. These young people were all my patients in my private practice in Alsancak until 2 decades ago… Such a reunion, hugs and kisses, caring, loving words of reconnection… I am as happy and content as one can be.

 

Our clan except for Gulce, her husband and her parents

I want to document in my own way this celebration, although I know that professional photographers will do a superb job. I want to catch spontaneous moments revealing the true selves of everybody, especially Gulce and Oguz and Coluk Combalak. I check in with the Coluk Combalak occasionally. During one such instant, we catch Levent, walking Gulce, his daughter in his arm from the far end of the board walk toward the crown, parallel to the Water. This facility indeed is a phenomenal place to hold a wedding. My entire being is filled with joy and love for the first of our five kids, starting a new life.

Levent, the father walking his daughter, our daughter Gulce to her husband-to-become 

Just before getting on the terrace, where the wedding crowd is anxiously waiting for the bride and the groom, Oguz walks onto the boardwalk and Gulce is transferred to his arm from her father’s. Although, in all this tradition there is the theme of women being owned by men and being transferred from one ownership to the other, the love and joy and caring written all over the faces of everybody involved in this process override all psychosocial dictates of patriarchal society. All I can see is how much love and effort were put into raising Gulce by her father and mother and with how much love and caring Oguz takes her hand…

Oguz taking Gulce's hand with "permission" from her father...

As Oguz now guides them both toward the stage where the ceremony will take place, the best men and Gulce’s maids follow them. Ekin is one of Gulce’s maids. The wedding ceremony takes place on a very small stage set up at the west end of the terrace right above the water. It is an unforgettable scene against a sky turning into light orange spiced up by the setting sun. The beauty and energy of youth make up the skyline against the beautiful sky.

What a beautiful memorialization of a happy, dedicated life beginning for this pure young couple 

After the ceremony, Gulce and Oguz are expected to visit every group of guests at their table to thank them for their attendance. I am traveling around them to take pictures. I bet this would be a bit of a chore for the young bride and the groom, since it is not just shaking hands. Everybody wants to give them hugs and kisses. They obediently and lovingly hug everybody and pose for everybody for the memorialization of the moment.
 

Gulce posing to somebody else with her aunts and mother, who cares, I document the moment, too

In Turkish weddings traditionally, people give the bride jewelry from golden bracelets to necklaces, to earrings and nowadays other jewelry with precious stones. In the most conservative traditional sense, a section of the wedding is dedicated to people getting in line and giving the jewelry to the bride herself, in fact by pinning the jewelry onto her wedding gown. Families would then assign a trusted individual, who would bring a purse to collect all this jewelry to return to the bride and the groom right after the wedding. Apparently, tradition has changed and wedding organizers assign a box to this purpose and all such gifts are collected.

The most touching hug must be this one: Gulce in her mother Suzan's arms... 

Hence after Gulce and Oguz visit each table on the terrace, we are ushered into the restaurant section of the facility where we will have dinner and dance and music will boil the blood in young veins. Our table is reserved for Coluk Combalak and all our extensions. Tables are very elegantly laid out. Instead of the traditional candied almond wraps distributed to every attendant, they chose to make donation to …. Announced to every guest with a bookmark left by the plates on the tables. How thoughtful and wise… Then starts the music and Gulce and Oguz open the dance floor with a beautiful tango. We are all appreciating this beautiful audiovisual feast, some of us with tremendous affection, too. Every time I look at Aysegul’s face, it is full of deep love and connection no different than Suzan’s face. After their beautiful show, others start joining in first with slow dance. As raki consumption increases, so does the tone and pace of the music inviting all to move from tables to the dance floor.

 

Zeynep airborne in Ekin's arms when David and Baris look on...

And that’s what we do. Levent is one big dancer, he dances with every single woman, it seems like at this wedding. When it is my “turn”, I feel like any moment, I will be airborne. What a pleasure to become adolescents again at our child’s wedding…Franzie becomes one of us in no time. Whoever leaves the dance and sits down, she spots and pulls back to the dance floor, typical Turkish ownership of a dance floor. In just a few hours, this woman with her big smile, even bigger heart carves a warm spot in my heart for herself. I am so happy to see that our kids are finding wonderful human beings as partners… Hours go by and as some of the guests, who will be traveling an hour to go back to Izmir start leaving, Gulce disappears for a moment and returns with a shorter version of her wedding gown!

 

Coluk Combalak table, and whoever caught this, did so when nobody was posing!

 

That is new and very smart. In traditional sense, the poor bride would wear her long and heavy bridal dress until the end of the wedding. It looks like, Gulce will have a fancy white dress that is much lighter than the actual bridal gown to go on with their dancing into early hours of the morning. 

Around midnight, we “elderly” leave the young people to the second phase of the wedding and load into our van to go back to the hotel.

 

Entire Coluk Combalak with its extensions! Thanks for bringing us together Gulce and Oguz

 

It was one beautiful evening of fraternity, reunion, celebration of the first wedding of our chosen family, which not only brought all members of Coluk Combalak together for the first time since we started meeting regularly five years ago, but also brought together our children’s partners as well. We all celebrate this gift mostly silently, I suspect. I am exhausted from all the dancing, but my heart and mind, and body are all in union in this blissful calm and peace.

Gulce'm, may you climb up the steps of life with ease and peace to have joy and love throughout life with Oguz 

As we ride the van to the hotel, I recite silently my loving kindness meditation mantra “May we all be well and happy. May we all be at ease and peace. May we all be held with loving kindness in loving presence. May we all find love and joy in life.” May Gulce and Oguz find all this serene richness in each other… The nexgt morning, I will wake up for another and last swim in the Aegean before gathering around a now-more crowded breakfast table since Levent’s sister Gunes and oldest brother Ibrahim and his family will also join us. They have all become my friends over the 4-5 decades we spent together on this earth. We all have signs of “livedness” and we all have lived. We had ups and downs in life, we had difficult terrains that we had to conquer, we had losses that left the creases between our brows… But we also had lots of love, lots of laughter, friendship, and joy that left other creases around our lips… If not dyed, our hear is gray to white. Nevertheless, and perhaps because of all this livedness, I love them all…

 

Levent's brothers and sisters waiting for the van to take us to the wedding: Aya Yorgi

 

The next morning, when my dear friends Saniye and Mehmet volunteer to drop me off at the airport shuttle station, as I settle down in the bus, I am happy to the fullest, but also sad for having to leave these beautiful people, who have given me more than I ever could give to them for decades now. As tears trickle down my cheeks, I send them all my deepest gratitude and love until our paths cross again... We part our ways until the next time. And that seems to be in Croatia, where Umut and Franzie will get married in August of 2019. Can’t wait. I love you all my Coluk Combalak...

Saniye and Mehmet seeing to my departure from Cesme to catch my flight to Istanbul, my dear friends...

 

Raki indeed doesn't settle in the body as it does in the bottle! Our kids are having a lot of fun dancing

Ekin and Umut

Gulce and Oguz with Gulce's paternal aunt Gunes,,, 

Oguz waiting patiently for his bride to arrive: I am using this rhetoric jokingly, since this wonderful couple has been living together some time, thanks to more permissive environment of Istanbul..

Gulce airborne in Oguz's arms at the end of their beautiful opening dance, they are having fun, aren't they?

Is this couple happy or what, soon to be married... Love you, two...

 

CESME TURKEY 2018 - 6 - WEDDING DAY WITH BEAUTIFUL AND KIND PEOPLE

I get up early in the morning of the wedding day. This is the big day for Gulce and Oguz, for all of us. Gulce will be our that is Coluk Combalak’s first child to be married. In 6-8 hours we will all gather at this facility to load into vans and cars to head to Aya Yorgi, the beautiful cove where the wedding will take place. After the festivity of last night, everybody is asleep except for the hotel staff as I come down in my beach attire. They offer me coffee right away, but I would like to visit the beach first.

 

One of the bartenders volunteers to take a picture of me against my beloved Aegean

 

The water is as serene as can be. The couple feet high waves of yesterday afternoon have disappeared in the deep blue of the Aegean. Chios is more sharply defined in the crisp blue sky of the morning. I stroll along the beach, listening to the cacophony of the sea gulls; I love it. Faint music of the ripples the Aegean makes when it lands kisses on the beach is almost a lullaby to my ears. Nothing else audible. The bar staff is indeed combing the beach and clearing it of yesterday’s residue from not-so-environmentally-sensitive customers. I walk into the water with light mini-steps, almost letting the water take me in. When the water reaches my waist, I let my body float over the water before starting to cut the Aegean with my loving strokes. 

Another love of mine along the Aegean, Foca, which I visited couple days before the wedding 

 

One can never have enough of the Aegean and what its meandering coastal line may offer. However, after a half hour of dancing with the Aegean, I have to say good bye for the time being. Soon, the hotel residents, who are all my friends will start coming down to gather at the breakfast terrace. I’d like to spend as much time with them as possible. Couple of them are already coming down as I walk up to take my shower. By the time I return, most of them have come down and are already having deep conversation along with a rich Turkish breakfast spread.  

 

An internet picture of our breakfast spread at Smart Rooms Luxury Hotel: breakfast was indeed to die for...

 

It is interesting, when we were growing up some 40-45 years ago, Levent and I each had a father, who were both carpenters. With their small business, they barely made ends meet with their wives being stay at home moms. But… each one of our fathers made sure their cumulative eight kids all had higher education and became competent professionals. With such little income... It was doable. In today’s world in Turkey, children of families with the income our fathers had can in no way obtain higher education, they would be lucky to finish high school…

One of the breakfast lounges, adjacent to the outdoors swimming pool; nobody uses the pool of course, when The Water is so close by...

On by one, couples are coming down to join us on this lovely terrace for breakfast. Everybody gets an egg dish of their choosing prepared in an authentic tin plated copper egg pan, our regular cheese-olives-tomatoes-cucumbers-butter-jam and of course Turkish bread is plenty scattered in platters on each table. And sucuk, Turkish sausage that can be just roasted, fried in its own oil, or cooked along with the eggs... Sucuk is one of the reasons I couldn't convert myself into full blown vegetarian!

The best part of eating sucuk with eggs indeed, is dipping your bread into the yolk for the first time!
 
I recall, how foreign Ohio was to me the first year I arrived in the US. How homey Brooklyn Heights had felt. How foreign again Iowa City was until internet made Turkish breakfast items available to us, the kinds of cheese, olives, and sausage and pastrami we were used to. Brooklyn Heights had the largest middle-eastern grocery store of New York City, walking distance from our house. And I warmed up to Iowa City, once I was able to have Turkish breakfast at least couple times a week in my own house if not anywhere else.

Gulce and Zeynep in each other's arms, so happy and content in sisterhood at one of the terraces of Alavya Hotel, an old Greek home converted to this beautiful place

After breakfast, which is almost noon, we visit Gulce and Oguz at the Alavya Hotel in Alacati, where they are staying. What a treasure. An old Greek home renovated and expanded into this beautiful boutique hotel with inner yards and terraces, even a swimming pool is installed without disturbing the ambience too much. Gulce and her maids and Oguz and his best men are all around in their simplest shorts and shirts, injecting the energy of youth with their laughter and gay conversation.

Gulce and Zeynep catching up when Levent is looking on or listening?

I look at my dear girl, Gulce, she has matured to have a law firm of her own and get married and start a family… I look at Suzan and Levent, all I see is love and love and more love in their eyes, even when they discuss bits and pieces of last minute tasks to be taken care of about the wedding. I have never been to a Turkish wedding so close-up that everything was so peaceful. At least on our end it is, what a blessing… After savoring top quality Turkish coffee served with chocolate and a flower on the side, I start strolling through the courtyard that consists of multiple paths and mini terraces.


Can a mother and daughter look into each other's eyes with more love and joy than this?

As I marvel the vegetation in and around beautiful antique looking Turkish pottery, I hear Zeynep my daughter and her boyfriend Mike chatting about the dilemma around our human wants and responsibilities to mankind: Mike is a minimalist, who would like to work little, make little, and consume little, one of 60s hippies. Zeynep is ambivalent, she also is a very earthy young woman, but with a twist; she likes the juices of life, too! I know she would have loved to spend a day or two at a place like this every now and then, although, she can also very easily rough it. I smile to myself as I listen to them: She now is about to join the medical field as a psychiatry resident. By the time she finishes residency, she might have a family, perhaps a child, and I will affectionately watch her evolve as a partner and a mother with her loving heart and wise mind and soul. 

Zeynep and Mike on another terrace of Alavya Hotel courtyard

As the young generation head to a luxury hair salon, I return to our hotel with Levent and Gursel, Levent’s brother to spend the afternoon by the beach. Although, initially, I was planning to go to the beauty parlor with everybody else just to be part of the festivity, the Aegean’s pull turned out to be stronger. Whatever they do to my hair is not going to do much difference to my wild curls unless I let them totally straighten my hair out, which I don’t want to. Since I quit dying my hair, I want everything to be natural. I am all too happy to put on my swimming suit and claim the beach when everybody else is having their hair done and face made up.  

What good could any hairdresser do to my wild hair in the wild Cesme breeze

 

 A little after I am done with my love affair with the Aegean and go to my room, Zeynep arrives, an authentic beauty with her hair beautifully done. She is unhappy with her overly made up face, but that is what weddings are for. By the time, we are all showered, dressed up, and go downstairs, several of the couples from Levent’s side of the family have arrived on a day trip from Izmir. It is such a reunion: Ibrahim, Levent’s oldest brother and his wife Jale and their son; Bulent, Levent’s twin brother and his wife Umran are some of those I hadn’t seen for several if not many years. Mehmet, Saniye, their son Baris, and their daughter Ekin’s boyfriend David have also arrived. Ekin is with Gulce and her maids in Alacati. Unfortunately, Yildiray, Aysegul, Umut and his fiancée Franzie will join us at the wedding site in Aya Yorgi, driving from their hotel directly. What a bummer that they couldn’t stay at the same hotel with us.  

 

Zeynep and Mike dressed up for the wedding

 
All the women are strong (but also elegantly beautiful), all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average as Garrison Keillor would have recited at the end of his shows from Lake Wobegon…. I can’t take my eyes off of the warm, peaceful beauty all of my kind-hearted friends are emanating across the terrace. There is such beautiful, positive, heart-melting energy in the air. I can’t help but recall Maya Angelou’s “Have courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time.” There is so much love in the air, with its healing power, I fully trust in the love we all have for each other. There are no kids to speak of since our young have not produced any kids, yet, Gulce being the first of our five getting married. None of Levent’s side of the nephews that are here today have kids, either. I take pictures of each mini group that start forming.

 
Zeynep, Mehmet, his son Baris, and his daughter Ekin's boyfriend David, having fun  

Ekin’s boyfriend David is embraced by not only Ekin’s family but by all of us, a beauty to watch. Mike, Zeynep’s boyfriend also comes down in a suit, for the first time I have known him. He is good looking! But his pants are falling down since he left his belt back home! The boys surround him to find a solution to his beltless-ness, what a loving scene. Soon, whatever they did, he is now able to keep his pants on!

Levent, the bride's father taking care of Mike's belt problem

We finally get on the road in multiple cars toward Aya Yorgi, the serene, calm, peaceful slice of beauty carved out of The Water, Aegean. It has been over two decades since I have not been to Aya Yorgi since before I left Turkey in 1998.  I recall my history with Aya Yorgi from about 25 years ago. When I was swimming from the Isbank recreational facility to Aya Yorgi, after about 45 minutes how I had heard an announcement coming from the camp, echoing across The Water "Dr. Oral, please call the operator". How I had frozen in the water, worrying about what a chaos my absence would have caused on the camp, surely some people having seen me starting swim... How I had rushed the nearest house and asked them whether I could call the camp or not. Of course after the call, I had decided, I couldn't take any other chances and swum back to the camp. Thus, Aya Yorgi reminaed in my heart as the place I couldn't complete my swim to... Who knows I may someday... There is an almost childish excitement in my heart both for the wedding, but almost more so for my reunion with Aya Yorgi, knowing how beautiful sunsets are in that little cove.   

Levent's sister, Gunes, oldest brother Ibrahim, his wife and son, and youngest brother Gursel's wife and her sister and brother in law

 

Saniye with her son Baris and her daughter Ekin's boyfriend David

Suzan in red, Gulce, the bride's mother, the queen of the wedding, Gursel, the youngest uncle, Levent's brother joined in the above group

Is there love and joy in these eyes or what? The best picture I was able to catch of Levent and Suzan

 

 Levent's family members with the bride and the groom, a beautiful tradition still continuing with every wedding: Family photos...

CESME TURKEY 2018 - 5 - KINAGECESI: FESTIVITIES BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY

What a prelude… After the introduction over the previous four entries to this blog, now I may start the story of the wedding! Our dearest Gulce, a 28 year-old beauty, the only child of Suzan and Levent is getting married to Oguz, a lovely young man, head over heels in love with Gulce!

Her father Levent will bring our dear Gulce to the wedding ceremony on the day of the wedding on a board walk on the water

Gulce is the second youngest in the group of 5 children The Coluk Combalak produced. Interestingly, she is the only female grandchild on his father’s side. You can imagine with what love and attention she was raised. She was a relatively small child in her toddler years that made Suzan worry about how tall she would become. Being her pediatrician, I had made a comment that there were relatively short people in Suzan’s family and there might be a genetic determination regarding Gulce’s ultimate height. Boy, was I wrong in that prediction! Gulce now is a 5’7’’ (167 cm) beauty, unusually tall for a Turkish woman…

The wind of Aya Yorgi is blowing away our Gulce's hair and gown alike when she is getting ready for the formal photo-taking 

She studied law, joined a law firm in Istanbul, and within a year, teamed up with some colleagues to start their own law firm as partners. Her apartment in Istanbul for at least the last 5-6 years has become the gathering place for all our kids, as we could see from facebook posts. Ekin coming from London, Zeynep from the US, and Umut from Germany or Austria in the past and now from Mexico, we knew, would find a bed under Gulce’s roof, with unlimited arrival allowed; at any time of the day and night. That you call a family, don’t you? Ekin and Gulce are one year apart in age and they grew up with Aysegul’s care as day care buddies. Thus, it is understandable that their camaraderie would turn into sisterhood. What is most impressive is that although Umut is 4-5 years older than both of them, being the son of the house where Ekin and Gulce came for day care, he became the older brother for both younger girls.

 

Ekin and Gulce with their dear Aunt Aysegul, who took care of them many years

Umut is in fact the same age as my daughter . As a result, they bonded as peers in a different way, although both of them are as strongly bonded with the younger three, espcecially since all of them became fully grown adults, carrying on the banner of our Coluk Combalak culture into the future.  It is so heartwarming to watch them relate to one another in such a relaxed manner. You never know which girl is going to be on Umut’s lap at any given time, or jump over his shoulders to play horseback. Baris is the youngest of the five, but we have plenty of stories about him, too, that will come out in due time.

Gulce visiting Ekin in London in 2013 

The day before the wedding, Levent and Suzan picked me up from my mother’s apartment to go to Cesme. Zeynep and her boyfriend Mike are to join us later in the evening via Ephesus since it is Mike’s first visit to Turkey. My dear brother Mehmet is showing them around as he does with every friend we bring to Turkey from Iowa City. We arrive at the Smart Rooms Luxury motel that Suzan reserved rooms for us for two nights. It is not luxury, but who cares, the Aegean is lying provocatively before my eyes from our 3rd story room. I am disappointed to learn that households of Yildiray-Aysegul and Saniye-Mehmet are not going to be with us the night before the wedding. Oh well, we will catch up the next day.  Levent’s youngest brother Gursel and his wife are with us along with some of Suzan’s friends, who are originally from Cesme. We learn that Gulce, Oguz and perhaps Oguz’s family members are staying at a different hotel in Alacati. Allacati was a lovely fishing village of old. In the last several decades, especially Istanbulite high society made it famous. It is now a gentrified, huge resort town. However, it still carries the unique characteristics of the old and authentic, which makes it very charming.

 

Old House Hotel that has kept all the good and authentic of a truly old Alacati house in the conversion process

 

After settling down, as my friends are having a late lunch, I sneak out and go to the beach. My Aegean, The Water, how I miss its salt, its calm and fervor, its energy, its elegance, its embrace more than anything.

I let myself into the bosom of the Aegean. One stroke, two, three, lost count, heading toward Chios, which is right across where we are. At night, we will be able to see the lights of our neighbor islanders. I swim for about half hour horizontally about a quarter mile from the beach. So meditative...

Chios from the beach at our hotel

When I get out and start walking on the beach, I notice all the debris, pick up one or two, but it is endless, all over the place. The waiters at the bar are helpful, they give me a garbage bag. In another half hour, I pick up a 30 gallon bagful of plastic and metal recyclable material off the beautiful sand. I can now go to my room and take a peaceful shower. I am excited about the evening. We will go to a still authentic Cesme village that is on the water, where summer house owners and the local population are still in balance, supporting one another. The hotel staff helps us rent a van that will accommodate all of us, about a dozen adults. Suzan’s friend Birgul, who is a local has reserved a table for us at a said-to-be beautiful restaurant, Gokkusagi (rainbow) facing the west in Ciftlikkoy (Farm village in English).

Ciftlikkoy (Farm Village) in Cesme where we had our wedding-eve dinner against a beautiful sunset

As soon as we arrive at the restaurant, I am beyond this world; right across the water, fishing boats drawing a beautiful skyline against the Izmir Bay sky turning scarlet then to orange, to pink, to beige, to brown and finally black moment by moment as I stroll on the promenade: Walking meditation couldn’t get better than this. Throughout my meditation, I not only savor the colors, the sounds, and all the beauty around me, but also "pray" for all my loved ones including those at the restaurant, those, who haven't arrived, yet, all members of my Coluk Combalak, my extended family, and chosen family members that are scattered all around the world... May all of us be free of any conflict, any fear, and despair, and infliction. May all of us find love and joy in life and open our hearts with compassion to all that cross our path.

Skyline at Ciftlikkoy when the sun is all gone 

Meze after meze made with organic, local produce of Ciftlikkoy, we devour non-stop along with sips of raki… Was food this good always, or has it reached levels of delicacy I cannot recognize, in the last year? In Turkey raki is the owner of such festive dinner tables. As the saying goes “Raki doesn’t sit in the stomach as it does in the bottle”. You start either singing, or dancing, or both. And that’s what we do… First start singing, then dancing and finally two Roma musicians approach our table and the festivity reaches its peaks.

 

Suzan, the mother of the bride is also enjoying the sunset before the food arrives on wedding-eve

Roma people in Turkey almost exclusively own the "nomad musicians" industry. These musicians, again almost exclusively males roam the areas of towns where restaurants like ours are lined up along a street, waterfront, or any historical neighborhood. They go from table to table, play their music, mostly along with singing, encourage the customers join them with some dancing involved and ask for tips. When they go for their tips, they usually pick one person at the table that seems to be the most well-to-do man in the group with a perceived/assumed thick wallet. In doing so, the musicians usually recite or sing a stanza of a poem or song that encourages the picked out guy take out his wallet and give them a hefty tip! The diners’ job is to delay the tipping as much as they can since the moment the tip is handed out, the music at your table ends instantaneously and the musicians move on to the next table for additional tips. 

Gulce's uncle Gursel, standing with a white jacket ends up paying most of the tip at the end of a music feast from our Roma musicians

Our musicians are very crafty in finding out the thickest wallet: they pick out Gursel, who happens to be the tallest and most sturdy man at the table, who is the CEO of a company. Despite initial protests, being the uncle of the bride, who hasn’t arrived, yet, he submits to all the pressure and our musicians leave very happily, their pockets full… Later on, Zeynep and Mike join us. We will have to wait until after breakfast tomorrow to see Gulce and Oguz. Another round of mezes and other food are ordered for them. Laughter is abound, I almost feel like, I have received all the therapy I need for a year to deal with the budget cuts and all at the hospital in Iowa City. 

 
Looking at the concentration on my face, I must be taking a selfie of myself and Suzan, in Ciftlikkoy

We finally load into the van that brought us here and enjoy the memories of the evening that will be added to the chain of many others, soon… When we are back at our hotel, the breeze from the Aegean is the most loving caress touching my face, arms, and legs. It is past midnight, we’d better go to bed to have energy for tomorrow’s festivities. Tomorrow, Levent’s sister Gunes, brother Ibrahim and his wife and one of his sons, and finally his twin Bulent and his wife will also join us at the hotel to go to Aya Yorgi cove where the wedding will be held. Aya Yorgi is the Turkish/Greek translation for St. George, Having turned its back to the wild Aegean winds, Aya Yorgi has been a place of promise for me to serenity and peace with no fail. I can begin to anticipate the wonderful reunion with it and the memories embedded with that serene body of Water. 

 

Aya Yorgi at sunset right after the wedding ceremony took place, we are now ready to start enjoying the dinner, the music and dance.

 

An unforgettable evening with "dost"s celebrating Gulce's milestone in life: Kinagecesi, although Gulce and Oguz are not with us, we are happy anyway... 

CESME TURKEY 2018 - 4 - COLUK COMBALAK EMERGING OUT OF THE RUBBLE OF POLITICAL CHAOS IN TURKEY

Before The Coluk Combalak emerged out of our activist movement, Turkey went through an extremely traumatic period: Police and military regularly attacked campus demonstrations, local and regional protests, killing innocent unarmed people, young and old to give the impression to the society that demonstrators were causing trouble and all this chaos, when in fact the state agencies were the ones harboring violence to crash public attempts to freely express opinions including criticism of the government.

 

Police and military circling demonstrators before 1980 military coup

 

Police agencies were full of saboteurs, who were attending some of these demonstrations and starting the first violent act leading to panic, chaos, and bilateral shootings at times. During the years of 1977-1980, we saw many massacres conducted by governmental armed agencies on campuses and provincial squares.

1977 May 1st massacre that killed 34 demonstrators: CIA involvement was claimed in the shootings 

One such near-massacre happened at Ege University campus. We were attending a demonstration on campus organized on the anniversary day of Kahraman Maras massacre of 1978, which had killed over 100 Alevis. Two factions at odds with each other started arguing over something trivial even before the demonstration started. There was no indication of violence let alone use of arms. We were all patiently waiting for the tension to resolve.
 

Although a newer internet photograph, this shows how chaotic police made peaceful demonstrations in Turkey: It was no different if not worse in 1970s

 

All of a sudden, the crowd around me started running. Not knowing why, I joined in with my 20 year-old self perplexed with the "bzzzz, bzzzz" sounds, the cause of which I wasn't able to explain.... It wasn't until one of my friends fell with a scream with one of the bzzz'ings that I understood, the police were shooting at us to kill us all, the crowd of students, aged 18-25 at the most !!! We hadn't done anything violent, we were there to simply protest the atrocities that took place in the country day in day out. 

We probably carried our friend who  lost one of his kidneys, like these demonstrators recently did in some other country

We grabbed my friend, put him on a passing by bus to be taken to a hospital and continued running toward the road to get out of campus. Police already had a large circle set up in the periphery of campus; we were all picked up and taken to the nearest police station and thrown into a cold, dark cell in the basement of the station. Although, this was my only encounter with police brutality of the time, it was traumatic enough that continued haunting me for years. My friend lost one of his kidneys, he was emotionally crippled, never attending any other demonstration at least for the next two decades that I continued living in Turkey. Although we knew he survived his physical injuries, he just disappeared off the face of the earth. I hope he has emotionally recovered, too.

My then-husband also suffered from 1980 coup just because he was one of the founders of a cultural center: The government didn't like anything that enlightened the masses 

My daughter's father was arrested in 1980 immediately after the military coup and jailed without any trial for one month just because he was one of the founding members of the cultural center in his home town from several years back. Cultural centers in Turkey at the time took youth off the streets, helped them attain the habit of reading, and become community leaders. They almost remind me now of "Big Brother-Big Sister" organizations in the US, young people learned from the more mature ones how to become an altruistic community organizer and leader. The government hated these centers since the youth members of these centers were not submissive, their voice could not easily be silenced. After a month of imprisonment, when they finally tried my husband, he was released since they had found no evidence of crime in the center: However, the morning of the 1980 military coup, the military tribunal had shut down all cultural centers across the country along with the one my husband was a member of. It was all about intimidation, crushing 1^st amendment rights, and eliminating the nevi of cultural and political development and transformation.

Levent with his wife Suzan and the bride-to-become Gulce, their daughter in Istanbul in 2014 

Others have not been that fortunate. My friend Levent was pulled out of his college campus at Ege University where he was studying Industrial Engineering and locked up, not to be tried for 4.5 years. Those were the days, under military rule, innocent people, who had committed no crime but expressing their opinions could be imprisoned for that long without trial!!! Who would know during Levent’s unjust imprisonment he would meet another young and equally intelligent man dedicated to justice for all and that serendipitous encounter would eventually lead to The Coluk Combalak. Yildiray, who was expelled from medical school due to his imprisonment when he was only three years away from becoming a physician was to become another male pillar of our Coluk Combalak in the making, without any of us knowing it at the time. Fate would bring Mehmet, a math teacher by training and Levent to contact through their job and the male makers of Coluk COmbalak would be complete in the early 1990s.

Levent, Yildiray, and Mehmet, the three remaining first generation male members of Coluk Combalak: Mehmet finds himself in Godfather role, imposed upon him by his two and only disciples... 

When I graduated from medical school in 1983, I went to a rural coastal town Burhaniye to practice as a general practitioner. In 1984, my then-husband Zeki graduated from college and followed me to Burhaniye, where my daughter Zeynep was born on a lovely spring day on March 11^th, 1985 as a Pisces, who would know she would become a textbook definition of her zodiac sign!  When my husband was called in for his abbreviated mandatory military duty, I packed my daughter along with me and moved to Izmir, my home town, to start residency in pediatrics. When my husband joined us in a few months, we moved to a spacious apartment in Bornova Izmir, which we would call home for not only ourselves but for some of our friends, too, including Suzan and Levent.

Suzan and Levent from the wedding weekend; Levent wearing my hat 

That is when in late 1980s, we started re-connecting with our old friends like Alp, my dear high school and medical school buddy and his then-wife Elif; Levent and others. That is when Levent proposed to Suzan in our kitchen with a subtle "Hey, get us an apartment in this building, would you?" That is when my husband Zeki, through Levent was connected to Mehmet, because both Levent and Mehmet were working at the same pharmaceutical company, although Levent in Izmir, Mehmet in Balikesir. Levent had helped my husband to be hired by the same company.

Levent and Zeki, my daughter's father in a photograph from their pharmaceutical company days

Mehmet was married to Saniye, who was a high school teacher. They both came from the activist culture of the time and Mehmet had also had his share of being locked up in Ankara just because of engaging in the campus demonstrations of the time. We went to visit Saniye and Mehmet in the spring of 1990 when their daughter and first child was 10-11 months old, who would become my dearest Ekin in the years to come. Our connection was instantaneous as if we were friends looking for each other for decades.
 

Ekin, Saniye and Mehmet in 2013 during the first Coluk Combalak gathering 

However, societal context was not providing us with much breathing space. The political circumstances of the 1970s had set the tone in the society toward Turko-Islamist radicalism. In 1993, for instance, the radical Muslims would set fire on the Madimak Hotel Aziz Nesin a progressive protest author and his like-minded artist friends, mostly Alevi intellectuals, who were attending a cultural festival in Sivas, the epicenter of the Alevi sect in Turkey. The Turko-Islamist mob literally meant to and did kill 35 progressive people just because their thoughts and beliefs were not parallel to theirs.

 

35 people, mostly Alevi intellectuals were killed during the Sivas Massacre when Turko-Islamist mob set fire to Hotel Madımak on July 2, 1993

 

Alevis, being the most progressive sect in Islam, treating women and men as equals, allowing all social contact between men and women were considered by the radical sects of Islam not even being Muslims. As a result, radical Muslim assailants attacked the hotel, reminiscent of 9/11, at a much smaller scale. Their goal specifically was to kill Aziz Nesin, who was a world renowned author and wrote political satire that reached all corners of the country.

 

The killers of Sivas Massacre retained 8 lawyers, all of whom were representatives from AKP, the then-on-the-rise and current Islamist political party ruling Turkey

 

As the firefighters were trying to evacuate the hotel and to save the hotel residents including numerous top intellectuals of the country, a police officer shot at Aziz Nesin, who was on the ladder, leaving his hotel room. Luckily he missed, and although it was documented as the police officer was aiming at the author, no conviction came out of this event. Those were the days in Turkey and unfortunately nothing much changed. 

 

Just recently, AKP tortured the town of Sirnak in the Kurdish region of Turkey with a siege that lasted  82 days and left the city under rubble

What has remained stable in our lives has been strong family ties and support, strong friendships, being dedicated to communal existence, and giving our best to our children. When 1990s rolled around, the two members of Coluk Combalak-to-become were out of prison after their first trial following a brutal 4.5 years of unjust imprisonment, we were all professionals, and serendipitously gravitated to Camkiran, Bornova neighborhood:

Aysegul, Yildiray, and Umut at Levent and Suzan's summer house during a Coluk Combalak gathering of late

Levent and Suzan were already there having purchased their home. We rented an apartment 2 blocks from theirs. a few months after our visit to Balikesir Mehmet and Saniye moved to Izmir and naturally gravitated to where Zeki and Levent lived. Finally, when Yildiray and Aysegul had to leave Karsiyaka, an apartment in the same building with Levent and Suzan completed the circle and with Levent playing a pivotal role in this, the nucleus Coluk Combalak started shaping up. The rest of the history of Coluk Combalak is one of a unique story as will unfold in this blog in the next 5-6 years.

My dearest Jeannie, who became my female soul mate in the last 5 years taught me how to ride a bike at age 54 among many other things!!! With you, I continue to grow Jeannie...

I belong to multiple cultural units, my core family, my high school friends, my meditation group in Iowa City, my Turkish-American friends in the US, among others. What I experienced with The Coluk Combalak surpasses any connection that one may experience in life. I wish every young family to experience this communal experience that may become a life long family for all to cherish. I am in bliss to see that our children, who are now at an age where we were when we bonded are appreciating this if not as much as we did, but almost more so....

That is what every member of Coluk Combalak has done for one another and for all through the last 30 years... I bow in gratitude before all of you coluks and combalaks...