8.7.2013 STRONG WOMEN OF IZMIR VERSUS UZBEKISTAN
Finally, I am done with the training activities. All went well and I am pleased that I created more connections in the country with key agencies to improve the response to not only child sexual abuse but also adult sexual assault.
Today, I had more time to spend with my mother and her helper. It is quite lovely to hear of her impressions of Turkey, rather Izmir and its people compared to her people in Uzbekistan. She figured out my "abla" (older sister) status in my family, her first question was about how women carry themselves in Izmir. "Abla, in Uzbekistan, women walk behind men, but here women are strong (demonstrates by thrusting her head backwards and bending her forearms upward at the elbows with her hands in a fist each) they walk in front of men, why is that?" I crack up “is that how she sees us Izmirite women, like sergeant majors?” She doesn’t know of course, that there are plenty of places in Turkey, too, where women have to “walk behind their men” in fact even in Izmir, if not literally at least to a certain extent metaphorically…
My brother and his wife certainly have a different relationship from the couple below from eastern rural Turkey
Soon it becomes clear that she cannot comprehend how in the world and why men she sees in and around my family are opening doors to women and offering them "right of way" if you will. I chuckle to her innocent disbelief and astonishment. I tell her unfortunately, it isn't that way in the eastern parts of the country and that Izmir is the most progressive province of Turkey and that is why men and women are the way they are in Izmir. I tell her one more thing: “I would live nowhere in Turkey but Izmir!” She tells me she knows she is lucky for living in Izmir and elaborates on how submissive women have to be in Uzbekistan. She tells me how her husband had taken away all her earnings when she lived in Uzbekistan after physically abusing her, which eventually made her leave her country and come to Turkey to make money without him being able to reach her.
In remote parts of Turkey one may see this as well.
It becomes clear that Uzbekistan is still in the dark ages of Islam, where men may simply say "Divorced", just as it was the case before the Independence War of Turkey in Turkey, and a woman would lose all her rights to her marriage. Of course my mother is semi-screaming from her spot "I would kick a man out of my house the moment he touched me with the flick of his finger", meaning violently. I fully support my mother’s statement. Firuza then shares with us that her mother is also encouraging her to leave her husband, for which she finds a lot of support in our kitchen; excited with the conversation, my mother has now moved to the kitchen, too..
In remote parts of Turkey one may see this as well.
It becomes clear that Uzbekistan is still in the dark ages of Islam, where men may simply say "Divorced", just as it was the case before the Independence War of Turkey in Turkey, and a woman would lose all her rights to her marriage. Of course my mother is semi-screaming from her spot "I would kick a man out of my house the moment he touched me with the flick of his finger", meaning violently. I fully support my mother’s statement. Firuza then shares with us that her mother is also encouraging her to leave her husband, for which she finds a lot of support in our kitchen; excited with the conversation, my mother has now moved to the kitchen, too..
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| My mother listening to our conversation with full attention |
My mother and I start encouraging her to divorce him, which she states would cost her only $100. She is worried about her prospect to build a second family with her children, though. With her intelligence, I bet she will learn Turkish in no time and will have a very good chance for a second chance. But as one of my dear friends put it, this is not a problem x, for which there is an easy y solution. I recall how affectionately I had smiled to myself when I heard this approach from him, since my mind works very much like that, too upon hearing of a problem. I have seen enough in this life, though, as soon as I catch myself thinking in x-y mode, I also realize that there are very few situations in real life scenarios, where x-y modalities work. With this realization, I switch to "this is her problem, we can only offer her help, she has to make her own decisions" modality of thinking.
Firuza, innocent, sweet, full of hope for her future
Going back to Firuza's astonishment with how strong women are in Izmir, I can't help thinking one more time how relative everything is. Firuza is impressed with the amount of women's rights in Izmir, which is a place I left since I didn't feel I was free enough, individually in my family, culturally in my community, etc. Firuza is in another bout of disbelief when I mention to her about women's rights movement in the USA. She doesn't even have a concept anywhere near to that. When I explain to her the concept, she exclaims "There are no rights for women in Uzbekistan!" In a way, I feel sad for her. She has so much more to learn and accomplish to reach what she deserves. I hope, her time with my mother and family will empower her to protect and empower her children without submitting to a domestic violence perpetrator.
Going back to Firuza's astonishment with how strong women are in Izmir, I can't help thinking one more time how relative everything is. Firuza is impressed with the amount of women's rights in Izmir, which is a place I left since I didn't feel I was free enough, individually in my family, culturally in my community, etc. Firuza is in another bout of disbelief when I mention to her about women's rights movement in the USA. She doesn't even have a concept anywhere near to that. When I explain to her the concept, she exclaims "There are no rights for women in Uzbekistan!" In a way, I feel sad for her. She has so much more to learn and accomplish to reach what she deserves. I hope, her time with my mother and family will empower her to protect and empower her children without submitting to a domestic violence perpetrator.
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| The females of my family embracing Firuza as one of us |
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